This question from a good friend over the summer has plagued me from time to time – not the question or the actual topic, more the fact that a lot of people don’t realize the implications of porn on our children. And while we’re at it, I will say the topic came up because one of our children were caught looking at something they shouldn’t have been looking at – their smart phone isn’t so smart anymore. While many, and I would even go as far to say most parents would answer ‘yes’ to this question, do they know why? And just because we can, let’s just shelf the whole Christianity view for this post. Many parents are aware of how easy it is for our kids to have pornography at their fingertips today.
It’s much easier then going to a store and trying to score a copy of Play Boy or rummage through a friend’s older sibling’s bedroom.
When we were kids maybe someone’s parents had a VHS tape of pornography…maybe? I’m not really up on what we had available to us as kids. My husband and I are the last generation to grow up without cell phones, email, and the internet – let’s just face it, it wasn’t as easy to get a hold of, and if you did, it most likely wasn’t hours upon hours, days upon days worth of content. Hubby will tell you how it took him half a day to print a poster of a naked woman as a teenager on a dot matrix printer and then he had to stand 10 feet away to try to get the true picture made up of a million XXXXX. We’ve had our own issues of curious little minds in our own home as I mentioned…because kids talk about their changing bodies which leads to talking to friends which leads to becoming curious – a simple curious google of ‘boobs’ can lead a 10 year old down a pretty scary path. And yes there are all kinds of technology to try to keep an eye on them but in reality most of these things that are available to us are easily hacked and don’t work off of WiFi. I honestly believe the best practice is talking straight with our kids as to why porn is bad – and to do that we need resources. This post will highlight the ones we have been given (and use) from a professional counselor friend of ours.
Sadly, this epidemic has had some pretty outrageous side effects. When we talk about the pornography industry, the sex trade industry goes hand in hand. I am not by any means an expert in this area but have done my fair share of reading and research. This is happening in our suburban neighborhoods, not just ‘in the hood’. This is a multi-billion dollar industry and guess what, they are looking for young girls to lure into this industry – and they are smart and crafty and successful at what they do. Girls are lured in faster then they could ever realize what is happening.
I’m not talking a white van at the bus stop -I’m talking professional looking men with fancy watches and cars talking to our daughters at work, in the mall, befriending them, giving them gifts and being way cooler then us.
If you want a few stats on this right here in America, right here in the area we live in, just head over to VAST they are a local organization to us, but their site does a great simple job of explaining this epidemic with some simple yet staggering stats. I don’t think most parents talk to their kids about sex trafficking – and I don’t think you even reading this will lead you to believe that anything like that could happen to your child especially from watching porn – just don’t turn a blind eye, because watching porn is allowing this to continue.
Intimacy – Love – Marriage
Pornography gives kids (and adults) a false sense of these things. It gives a wild representation of what kids think love through sex looks like. Even if you aren’t telling your children to wait to have sex until they are married, is this the picture you want painted for them as to what to expect sex is like or about? Someone could be super disappointed if this is what they think is supposed to happen in their bedroom or in the dating scene in general. We also know it’s not just boys who have this issue, some girls also get involved in this type of behavior as well. If we aren’t telling our kids porn is bad we are giving them the green light on multiple partners, adultery, disrespect of themselves and others. The list is too long to go on- if we are preaching that the things listed here are bad but not porn, well, that is a very mixed message for a young impressionable mind to try to figure out.
When our kids view porn they are getting this weird illusion of what intimacy looks like, our daughters may view this as what is required of them, how they should be treated by a man, what men want in the bedroom and what love and intimacy look like. Even if they have an amazing father figure, they don’t know what healthy sexual intimacy looks like, it’s our place to tell them. On the flip side, it shows boys this twisted picture again of what love and intimacy are and I don’t want that for my boys or for our our daughter. I want our boys to be respectful of any girl they date, and their wives. I want my daughter to be honored by her boyfriend and husband. I want my kids to love and be loved for who they are, not for a false illusion of what someone watched on their computer in their basement.
So yes, we tell our kids porn is bad.
Our favorite resources for learning about, talking to our kids, and protecting our family are included here as resources for you. Covenant Eyes is an amazing internet filtering/accountability product that holds you and your family accountable for internet usage. They also have a wonderful blog full of great articles and resources. It’s a great place to start. Through the years we have referenced Harvest USA often times. They have ebooks, student outreach, partner with churches, resources, videos, an amazing blog and events for those living just outside the Philadelphia area. Demand Abolition is a great resource for learning more about the sex trafficking industry and it’s link to pornography. “Sex buyers drive the illegal sex trade. Without their money, pimps and traffickers have zero incentives. No buyers = no business.” Below are two great books that take a look at how pornography actually changes your brain, thinking and moral code.
What do you tell your kids? Were you aware of the sex trafficking industry in America and it’s direct link to pornography?
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This is a good conversation! My son is eight, almost nine. I actually have a tattoo that reads, “Not for Sale” that I got as a teenager in protest to sex trafficking so while he doesn’t know what that is, he does know that there are some people who do bad things to kids and that’s what Mommy’s tattoo is about. A few years ago, my brother moved to Europe and my husband is from South America. Both are places that are a lot more sexual than the rural Canadian village I grew up in filled with Mennonites. Long story short, my perspective on sexuality has changed and there’s been a wide amount of influences. I do not like the way sexuality is portrayed in South America. I think it’s worse than North America in many ways, at the very least, equally sexualized. However, I do like the way the Europeans have approached it. They treat nudity with a sense of class and dignity. They normalize nakedness, embrace the flawed body and they are much more confident about themselves as a result. So I have taken something from all the cultures, combined it with the Bible and this is my (very long point to get to) approach! Nudity is okay, overt or perverted sexuality is not. God created Adam and Eve naked and they were not ashamed. If He wanted us to be clothed, He would have made them too! Clothing came as a result of sin. It doesn’t mean it’s okay for my son to see anyone and everyone naked but that the body was created to be naked, in and out we come naked and there is nothing shameful about nudity. HOWEVER, there is a big problem with sexualizing the body outside of marriage. And then I will teach him all about honouring a wife, especially with the eyes and the body, etc., trafficking, the porn industry, all of it. He’s just a little too young for that.
Leah, yes, nudity and how we perceive our bodies also needs to change in the U.S. I love your thoughts and views from how different cultures approach things. Thanks for sharing with us!
Thank you for writing this!!! Pornography is directly linked to the human trafficking industry, and is affecting both women and men. Fight the New Drug has awesome statistics on this as well.
Yes they do – we love what they are doing too! Thanks for sharing with us Emily!
This is one of the hardest conversations to have with our kids but one worth pushing past the discomforts to have. My son was 11 years old when he was introduced to porn by a school mate. It was something we talked about yet feared because kids are inquisitive and curious. Still never thought would become an issue. After that incident, it became an open topic in our home. The implications and consequences were thoroughly laid out on the table. I would encourage all parents to make this a topic worth discussing. Our children’s future relationships with spouse and God depends on this.
Great topic to write on!!
Lureta thank you for sharing with us. Yes, it can be a hard uncomfortable discussion but one worth having. Their future relationships depend on it and the future of a lot of innocent people. Cheering you on in this parenting journey, it’s always a challenge, but we are thankful we get to have!
Really good thoughts here! I think it’s important to tie the link to how porn damages a healthy developing sense of sexual intimacy, love, and marriage. Thanks for this post!
Yes we absolutely agree!