It was 90 degrees in mid May and I found myself floundering…was it the heat? Maybe the humidity? I was cranky and hot and coming completely undone. Maybe it was the impending summer-time and change of schedule that I hadn’t put too much time into yet…wouldn’t it be nice to not have a schedule? I had piles of paperwork stacked up – EVERYWHERE…permission slips…t-shirt order forms…permission slips….permission slips…dance recital tickets to purchase like I was going to Billy Joel concert that only had 10 seats available and the laundry was piled up, and the sink has gone from the drip to a constant drizzle and the ironing, yeah that still needed to be done, and the cleaning – maybe I’ll just draw in the dust on the piano…and yes someone needed something dropped off yesterday from my direct sales business that I’m still doing to fund this new venture…and someone needs their hand x-rayed and someone else is asking to go to a pool party and someone else needs a ride home from work…and I don’t know why I am trying to do something else…………………..
So I put it all down…for two weeks…I didn’t do anything with this business because I was losing my vision…or at least I thought I was…but then I realized I was letting things and people steal my vision. I said I would always be honest in this journey, because for me I have grown personally on the tails of other’s journeys so how would it be fair to anyone if I wasn’t honest. So, yes, I was letting others and obstacles steal my vision. Our vision. So here is the bold clear vision – to give back to build local and global communities in the name of Jesus. That’s it, sounds simple right? It hasn’t changed. From day one, that has been the vision. So what did change?
I know what changed, we started, haha. And then stuff went wrong. And people questioned. A lot of people questioned, and still are. And the tech stuff – ooohhhhhh, the tech stuff, that I know NOTHING about…and little things, like our computer doesn’t have a place to put the card from the camera, so I have to use the kids computer to download the pictures then email them to myself then save them on the computer then add them…and our web-site provider won’t let me do the web-site the way I really want to, but it’s pre-paid a year, and the person at one of the local Christian non-profit organizations I want to donate funds from a shirt to wants to know why we would give away our profit- just doesn’t make sense and she’ll get back to me and never does…and the shirts—oh the shirts….I’ve order them in the wrong color, wrong sizes, and making the screens oh yeah the fun of that…and then I stopped…. I took a breath. I looked at the vision. I looked at my news feed…people still searching…people that need to be touched…so many hurting and complaining people…and these communities need someone or something.
And then my blurry vision began to come a little more into focus…like when you put just one contact in…and a friend sent me someone else’s blog on how they wanted to quit their business and I felt like I had met my soul sister! And I heard the words I had heard before – live intentionally. Live on purpose. Put down the stuff that isn’t necessary and focus on what is. Focus on the important. I was letting circumstances and people get the best of me. I was letting people outside my family tell me how to run this business. I was losing my vision…rather giving it away. And I was letting that all go to my head and I felt dizzy – I HATE to feel dizzy.
So I’m shaking it off. I’m focusing on what matters most – my family. Being wife and mom first after my relationship with God. And guess what? My heart feels peaceful again. Why should I care if someone I am trying to help doesn’t want help? There are a thousand more who do. What should it matter if it takes me 20 minutes to import pictures for a blog post as long as it gets done? Why do we put unyielding pressure on ourselves to be perfect? My family needs me right now, and I glad for that. I am thankful I am able to be here to create a peaceful-as-possible environment for my husband to come home to. The community needs me and I am so glad I can offer them something. I built an amazing business before by taking God as my business partner, being intentional and focused with a dream in my heart (and a really BIG vision board) and concrete goals and that is exactly how I will build this one. “For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” – Jeremiah 29:11
*a special thank you to our daughter who often leaves crazy eye pictures on our phones, we love her spirit 🙂