Fizl Who?

Yeah Fizl Dizl is the name of this new adventure, but really it’s not new.  This adventure is 20 years old so I shouldn’t be surprised at names like Fizl Dizl…it’s from a movie?  A song? A something that I have no idea about.  I do know we have owned the domain for like 6 years…and have had no idea what to do with it.  The ideas have swung from a far left to a way far right with ideas that ranged from exclusive clubs to things that included a handy man directory and more.  I can tell you this much…he would say one thing, I’d give a crazed look…I would say one thing, he would shake his head.

Two years ago I was finishing a gigantic huge goal that I was certain was my destiny. I was certain it was the path God had laid ahead of me.  I was certain it was what I was meant to do.  I was certain, until it happened and it didn’t feel right.  For 10 months I pushed ahead through trials and joys all the while with a weird feeling of ‘this is just not for me’.  So after you pour your heart and soul into something, have your family and friends and people you didn’t even know but loved your goal jump on board and follow you…how do you say, “sorry, I was all wrong”.  I didn’t know how to do that…I just resigned from position and didn’t really say much to anyone.  I felt alone, I felt like a failure, I felt completely not ready to do anything or face anyone.  I hurt and I cried and hurt more.  “What have I done?”, “I gave up.”, “How could I just give up?”, “How could I disappoint so many people, including my children?”.  “This is who I am.”, “This is me, this is my identity”.  I was so wrong, about that position being me and my identity.  I wasn’t wrong however that God did send me down that path.  Wow, did I learn so much of how to live, how to work with people, how not to do things and who to trust my heart to.  I would do it all again, it’s part of my story…and sharing our stories is how we grow, how we learn and how we see we aren’t alone.

 

It took a good 8 months and God showing me repeatedly that my identity is in Him alone.  Yes, I knew and I heard Him, but I wasn’t exactly sure what that meant for me.  I tried pouring myself into different work…wasn’t a good idea.  So there I was again…”what am I doing?”, “how do I keep failing?”, “how do I keep coming up empty handed?”.  It was months after months of pity parties.  We would discuss what was next and nothing was right.  I don’t even have one of those ‘this came to me in a dream’ awakenings to share.  Something just started pulling at my heart more and more. We discussed the possibilities of a blog and on-line store in a way to be able to bless others.  We truly believe we have been blessed with more then we are worthy of, to those who know us well, they may think we are silly.  We have worked and toiled for every last thing we have.  We have given up a home, conveniences, savings and so much more to make it through.  We have rolled change to pay our bills and eaten our fair share of noodles.  We don’t have tens of thousands in the bank.  We do have a heart for Jesus, a heart for giving to others, a heart to raise good people in a fallen world.  So that string lassoed my heart and it’s what I’ve been working on for months.